As I’ve previously mentioned, David Sedaris is one of my favorite authors. I love his dry sense of humor and I literally laugh out loud when reading his books. Holidays on Ice by David Sedaris is my absolute favorite holiday book. It has 12 short stories filled with holiday disfunction.
“SantaLand Diaries” is my favorite of the twelve. In this story, Sedaris describes his experience working as one of Santa’s elves at Macy’s one Christmas season. He describes the horrible, yet hilarious behavior from parents and children waiting in line to see Santa. One mother makes her young son pee in a fake bush rather than take him out of line to use the bathroom; another mother threatens her to give her daughter something to “really cry about” when the girl won’t smile while sitting on Santa’s lap, and Sedaris gives his thoughts on the many different people who come to see Santa and how crazy this one picture makes people behave. (While typing this, I’m reminded of my slightly crazed stage mom behavior while trying to get our three month old daughter and our three year old dog to pose for Santa, and I can now relate to these parents more than I ever could before.)
In the best exchange of all, a woman asks Sedaris which line is the line for the women’s restroom, he replies, “the one with all the women in it.” This prompts the lady to hiss at him that she was going to have him fired, to which he thinks “Go ahead, be my guest. I’m wearing a green velvet costume; it doesn’t get any worse than this Who do these people think they are? ‘I’m going to have you fired!’ and I wanted to lean over and say, ‘I’m going to have you killed.'”
I’ve never worked for Santa, but I used to work retail during Christmas break (at Victoria’s Secret) and I can definitely see this kind of behavior actually happening. Something about malls during this time of year makes people go crazy.
Wine Pairing: Cranberry Secco
Trader Joe’s Cranberry Secco is the perfect holiday wine. It’s light, bubbly, and delicious. It’s a little bit on the sweet side, but it’s not too sweet. It has a subtle taste of cranberry without feeling like you’re drinking juice, and the bubbles make it fun and festive! You can pick this up for $4.99 at Trader Joe’s.
So pop (or twist open) some cranberry bubbly, kick back by your tree, and enjoy Holidays on Ice.